Make believe..and maybe it'll come true

I always thought that if i pretend and dream and think about something, it would most likely come true. I thought that at least 1 dream would come true but eh who cares anymore cuz i dont. y care about something when it doesnt even matter at all?. Letter 2 u was suppose 2 b my push, my hope, my happiness. Its not and im ok wit that. I wanna say sry 2 the person who "Letter 2 u" was meant for. I understand and get that nothing can happen and nothing ever will and im sry for everything that i put u through. Being friends may be difficult cuz i feel like now u want 2 control my life, u dont want me but u dont want me 2 b wit any1 else or want me 2 b happy. Im not gonna let that happen. We r friends thats it nothing more or less. Anyways for whoever reads my blogs im sry about the confusion im just as confused as u.

So thats how it starts...

so i experienced something but omg it wasn't the whole thing but it was close. It hurt so much but i find myself wanting 2 finish it all. I'm so weird lol i dont but i do. it hurts like HELL!! but i feel like i need a little bit more omg omg im crazy........

Oh no......

With just a few words my whole world came crashing down.....the question-" Do i bug u or get on ur nerves?" *silence* Me- "yea i know i do, it surprises me 2 lol" Him-"Well goodnite" Me-"? uh goodnite then" Him-"No u dont get on my nerves much anymore." Omg i got on ur nerves?? wow now everything fits but how?? wat did i do wrong?? All i ever wanted 2 do was b ur's. Wat did i do?? how did i get on ur nerves?? Now i c how it all is, now i c the WHY. 4 Whoever reads this, "Letter 2 u" MEANS NOTHING NOW!!!

letter 2 u

Eh im sry i think i will feel much better if i say this so here goes: i still think we r soul mates, that we r meant 2 b wit each other. I know i know ur tired of all this but im sry it was bugging me 2 keep it in i had 2 say it some how lol i still love u soo very very much and it kills me that u dont want 2 b together look i dont want 2 start any more problems i'll take the friendship that ur offering if u do happen 2 get this just 4get about it ok and im sry again god i love u so much only wish u felt the same way about me..its odd how i believe we r soul mates being so far from each other but some ppl arent even lucky enough 2 find love once i found it it just hasnt accepted it ur my everything ******* ****** u mean the world 2 me and i dont care if u dont want 2 accept that!!

Empty

Empty...i have nothing. I have no friends. I have no job. I don't go 2 skool. I have no money, no bf, no nothing. My life is empty. My only friend is my computer. My sad sry life is this computer. It holds the music, the convos, the only person that could possible b my best friend but lives miles and miles away. I need something. I feel so lost, alone, empty.
I need the love, the care, the hope. Im so alone............

I just feel like SCREAMING!!!

I hate my life so fuckin much!! omg i wish i could finally move out already but no i have no where 2 go and no money :( Im so sick of having 2 deal wit my stupid ass family. I wanna walk out the door and dont look back until im old and gray. I know each of them would beg me 4 something or another in the near future and i will turn around and look the other way. I cant stand them any of them uhrggg!! *sigh* im sry i just needed 2 vent alittle. I really wanna move away so bad maybe go 2 some far island where very little ppl know about it. Some place romantic and sweet and quite and calm. Every1 knows each other and is really comfortable being there.u know the saying" only u can make ur dreams come true" ? well i think sometimes it takes others 2 make ur dreams come true. I want 2 make my dreams come true but i think i might need a little help getting there. NONE FROM FAMILY! outside help, like friends or a bf, some1 who would care enough 2 help. oh well i guess i have 2 just suffer some more until i can get out of here.

Views in the bedroom

Wat's ur most passionate or craziest fantasy? Could it b sex in public? Taboo/Incest? Bestiality? maybe an orgy? Let me know!!! I want 2 know wat r ppl's views about "SEX". Men and Women of all kind. I myself, and this is of strict confidence, have never had sex b4 and im 18 yrs old. Some would say " wat the hell u waiting 4?" others would say "thats cute, waiting 4 a while thats a good thing, wish i waited...." Well i waited (and waiting) until i feel comfortable wit some1 that i want 2 lose it 2. I love my body and soul and im not in any type of rush 2 sleep with the first guy that says "hey sexy, wanna go out" lol like that would ever happen omg ROFLMAO!! anyway i consider myself being pretty cute but hey not every1 wants this type so idc i just like being 2 myself more so now then in the past. I was always more outgoing when i was little but not now. I just wish i had those past loves at least 1 of them lol.

Life

It hurts so much when the guy u want doesn't want u, when u know deep in ur gut and heart that u both belong together it hurts and it makes u sad and angry and weepy and everything. Was it my fault? Did i do something wrong? Am i the only 1 who feels this way? These questions and more run thru my mind like a skipping CD over and over that nagging part. I'm so lonely and sad and hurt. I need the true passion of life, the happiness of friends and a lover. I want that complete feeling of togetherness. I just dont know where 2 look. Online, not so safe offline can b the same way. It sucks that the world is like how it is. And it sucks even more being a big black woman cuz its not easy finding some1 as it would b 2 either just b skinny or b another race. I guess the old sayings " life sucks" or "life's not fair" seems so true.

The "L" word

U should never say u love some1 unless u really truly mean it!!

The names in this story r based on real life ppl, these names r made up and have no connection 2 any1 here

-"i love u so much." Words uttered by any1 at anytime, mostly online. When ur young and u find some1 u like it automatically makes u say "i love u." Those words r suppose 2 mean alot and is never meant 2 b said unless they r true. I was in love a few times and some of them meant the world 2 me. My first love was Max. I was 13 when i met him,online. He was my whole world. We fought, got back together and everything u can think of. We were probably together 4 almost 2 full years. We lost contact the second yr. It hurt me so much, he knew my number but he never called me. I got a new computer when i was 17 and i started on my path 2 find the love of my life. Now some ppl might think "wow ur young u should b exploring life and blah blah blah" but i was always ready 4 love and marriage and all that, im the homebody type. I met pleanty of guys, tons of them "not really" lol but u get the idea. I met alot of guys and when i thought i found the guy and started 2 really like him, something happened and it was over. I met this guy back in April. His name is Brian(not real name). He was my friend bcuz he felt we were to far away 2 b together. About a month or so later i sorta lead him into something lol i guess not a real relationship but it was close. I fell in love wit him and i was happy wit him. Idk y i loved him more then any other guy i met but i did. There was just something about him that drew me in. Idk if it was his personality or something but i loved him so much and 2 this day i still love him more then ever. The only reason, i think he "left" me was bcuz i was a distraction 4 him and maybe bothersome. I never wanted 2 cause him any stress or anything. He hurt me(emotionally) a few times but i still loved him. He has this special something that makes me want 2 hold on and love him 4ever. I found myself looking 4 other guys but in some way comparing them 2 him and trying 2 find him in each 1 of them some way. There is only 1 "Brian" and i love him and want him and just wish he would give me that chance 2 show him someway 2 prove 2 him that he's my whole life and i'd wait 4 him if only he asked.........