Some old news and New news lol

    So first I would like to apologize to those who do read my blog. I know to be a blogger means to post more often and sadly I have lacked badly in that department. Well I would like to take some time to catch you up on me! Let's start with the downers: My mom is still so heartless toward me. Now for those of you who have read my past posts then you know a bit of how my mom is. In these past two years I have felt like killing myself so many times. Sometimes I even feel like, and its very sad to say, trading places with those kids who's parents kill them. Sometimes I wish I was dead rather then living with a mom who says she doesn't hate you but her actions say a whole different story. When I tell people how my life is, they think I'm over exaggerating but then when they come see it for their selves, they really get it. We hardly have people in our lives because of the way my family is. It's sad truly but for those who know my family then you know exactly where I'm coming from.


Alright I'm sorry for that morbid moment but I had to get it out. I wont go into any details about that problem, at least not right now. Now for the good news: I'M MARRIED!!! Yes to the man that knocked me up two years ago. Christopher Bynes is the love of my life. I haven't been able to get pregnant again since that first time but it's ok. I do have a new nephew although he is 8 months old now lol. Yes there were times I felt really jealous of my sister because she has the beautiful baby that I have wanted for so long. Sometimes I'm also jealous of the relationship she has with my mother. They have their moments of course but my mom always chooses Shyanna over me. Anyways......I'll be starting my 5th semester next week. I'll be graduating next year!! I'm so happy that I have a wonderful husband who truly loves me and things that will keep me busy like classes and my work-study. I work for Jumpstart. It's a really good program and I get to work with kids who are so smart and fun to be around. I also will be interning at a daycare for my internship class so yay I get to work with babies.


All in all I'm doing okay. I'm on meds because of the issues with my family, I'm not living with my husband at the moment ( I'll give you the details in the next post!!) and it sucks that everyone around me is having babies and getting pregnant and I'm still trying. Its hurts but its not a very bad hurt. I want my baby to be born away from my ignorant family. I do not want my child knowing how horrible these people are. I even hate that my nephew has to be apart of it. I'll try to post more often people. But if I don't post soon, please just hit me up and ask me what's going on!! Thanks!

Wats new....

Hey everyone :) So it's about that time again to catch u all up on me and my life. Hmmm I met someone (mentioned that b4) and I got pregnant. My ex told me he's going through life changes (Cant really explain it) and I lost my baby when I was about 2 and a half months along. I know it wasnt that far along but I was really looking forward to having a little one of my own. At this point in time I feel like I never wanna get pregnant again. Not only is it painful mentally but physically as well. Its like having ur period on triple blast (ladies if u know wat I mean) guys I guess it would be like someone either chopping ur dick off and punching u in the stomach all at the same time. I handled it tho, guess giving birth would have been just as painful lol. Anyways now im living day by day wit nothing really interesting happening yet. I'll keep u posted!

What's new wit you?

So wats new wit me hmm well I had an interview wit this company called Environment Massachusetts. It's like a telemarketing company (door to door donation thing) Anyways so I found out about this from my friend Natara and we set up interviews. Everything went well and we got hired and asked back for the orientation  process which consist of us learning specific lines to say to people. Now the lady had already said it's ur first day so its ok if u dont get it packed down right away (we had about 30 mins to practice) then when we were practicing it with another woman, we were doing good just not perfect like robots. The woman who said it was ok if we didnt get it, pulled us aside and said " Looks like ur not getting our wrap, but thanks for coming." OMG I wanted to punch that bitch out. But I held my cool, said thank u and walked away. Now for good news, I'm seeing someone!!! His name is Chris and I met him online of course. He's so sweet and nice and caring. He's not wat I usually go for and I dont see why I'm so hooked on him but I am and I aint letting go lol. I hope things last and go just the way I dream it......

ILLUMINATI??

So wat's wit the world these days? Every where u turn the Illuminati pops up. It's in almost every song, on tv shows and in the movies. Why? Do u need to be that famous that u have to sell ur soul and kill ppl? It's not that important to poison everyone's mind just so u could be on top. Ok so ur on top now, wat about the next person that comes along, sold his soul and is better then u? Then ur just gonna be a washed up satan lover who's either gonna try and kill that better person or get urself killed and spend eternal hell wit ur evil father. Let me be good. GOD does not want hate and even if u know the devil and his ugly minions are bad, u need to think good thoughts. If there was more good in the world maybe it would get rid of all the bad and ugliness.  

GOD WHY ME??????

Let's see here so yesterday i watched Julie and Julia and that made me want to get up and cook so i spent four hours cooking two different types of chicken, dumplings and homemade bread. I had a blast tho cuz i love to cook. Then today me and my sister get into this huge argument bcuz I wouldnt let her have any. Now for those of u who really know me, u know me and my sister do NOT get along. Anyways so basically again my mom took her side and told me if i dont respect her house ( I was upset and cursing) then i could get out so i did......but i dont have anywhere to go. And to top it off its freezing out here. *sigh* sometimes i wish i did end it all when i had a good chance. I dont know wat im going to do. I'm just sitting outside, at a bus stop wish my damn transition check came in from that stupid program so i could at least put my phone on....

Updater

Ok so I haven't done this in a long time. Wow I just read my old posts and they are very foolish, weird and a bunch of rambling. I guess that's wat life is like for a teenager. Hmm I'm 21 now...nothing really exciting happened for me. I broke up wit my ex long ago, I went to this place called Job Corps for my GED and C.N.A training. The experience wasn't the best. I had fun at times but most of the time i couldn't wait to leave. The staff were pretty cool, except a couple ppl whom I wont name and who turned out to be a bigreason in why i left before finishing a second trade. The student made a big impact on the situation as well. I did meet some really good ppl there tho and I am grateful that i did go at least for that much. I met one the the best ppl there her name is Natara. I consider her to be a best friend tho I still have Mimi being the BEST. I went there for 9mons and now im home again, looking for a job and way to get out from under my family. Hmmm I've had my crushes on ppl that i shouldnt have had tho i dont see why not i am a grown woman after all. Anyways as far as my love life goes, there isnt anyone new nor have i met anyone that could make me happy. I dont think i like being single but i like knowing that maybe mr.right is out there for me and maybe i'll find him sooner rather then later.

WOOOOW!!!

So much has happened since my last post. Well my true love came here, Feb 14 2009. He came here from kansas and move into my place wit my fam cuz he didnt have anywhere else 2 go. We had fun and not so much fun times. We argued alot but i don't think i could have imagined life witout him. Then Dec 14 2009, he came 2 me saying he needed 2 leave and we had 2 break up. It was soo many reasons y he wanted 2 leave. We got back 2gether tho just b4 christmas cuz we love each other sooo much. I was trying 2 convince him 2 stay but no matter wat i did or said he said no. The in April of this yr he gave me a maybe and i was beyond happy. (Now i know ur prob like "Damn wat a loser, she sounds so desprete.") but i wasn't desprete i just wanted my first love, the love of my life, to stay in boston and be wit me. Well no matter wat he still left. At first he wanted 2 just have a long distance relationship and i was like "Hell no!! if u can't stay then 4get it." It's been a little over a month now since he left and i c how much i really miss him and how much i love and need him in my life. I try telling him this and at first he was all like "No u was right, i shouldn't ask u 2 stay wit me when we're miles from each other." Maybe he just wants 2 b single again but that would b weird cuz according 2 his blog and wat he told me b4, he loves me and wants a life wit me and doesnt want 2 b single. All i can say now is im waiting 4 his lastest answer 2 my lastest questions and if he wants this 2 work then wonderful if not then ok i'll move on and start a new life.